SALT WATER
sweat, tears, or the sea
~Isak Dinesen
Many of you know me; some of you do not. It's okay, you will learn more about me as we go on this journey together. For me this journal is about learning to leap and knowing instinctively that the net will appear and cradle me in its safety. It's also about starting over in my own journey with depression and anxiety. Mostly, it's about the journey back to me.
Today has been about learning to let go of fear and embrace happiness. One day at a time. This is a very hard concept for me because, ya see, I'm a pessimist. I always have been; I do not want to "always be." I am often afraid of the most simple concepts; getting out of bed, leaving the house, driving my car in traffic with other people driving their cars, glass elevators, spiders, ants...you get the picture.
But, what I am most afraid of is my depression and anxiety taking over my life, swallowing me whole.
And, the reason I am afraid; I have let it take over my life. Not cool. Not cool at all.
Today I was fortunate enough to speak with someone for which I consider a mentor. When I had this opportunity, I knew I had to take it. I was in the middle of a personal crisis which blossomed into an anxiety attack, as they often do. This person led me out into the open air, sat down with me, and spoke to me as an equal. This was an amazing feeling. She was able to talk me through my anxiety, walk me through my fear. I walked away from that conversation with a new perspective on how to live my life.
I cannot let depression destroy my life; this is the only life I have to live. I have to stop living in fear, and embrace my own happiness. I have to take these baby steps to build a new foundation for my strength. To borrow a biblical reference, I have to rebuild my foundation from rock not sand. Sand equals depression; rock equals happiness.
Today, I will work to rebuild my temple on rock. I will learn to love myself. And, everyday, I will find something new to be happy about.
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